Santa’s A Conservative
Santa has all the telltale signs of being a conservative! Could it be? Have you ever heard Santa bellowing "Happy Holidays?" I haven't. It's always been "Mer-ry Christmas - Ho Ho Ho!" And speaking of the way it's always been, Santa believes in tradition, like cookies and milk, a Christmas Tree, not a holiday tree, no matter how many trees are cut down rejecting liberal relativism. He is a man with deep rooted values, regardless if they offend anyone. His wife, Mrs. Clause not Ms., partners with him to share the work and responsibilities as a small factory owner, a business that's located near the ice caps. So there's definitely no crazy climate change concerns about damaging the pristine environment. Santa also keeps reindeer to the alarm of PETA folks and without any stupid EPA regulations!
Santa is a conservative because as a self generator, he is almost single-handedly responsible for jump starting the economy without government intervention. He demands kids conduct themselves properly or else. Santa prides himself as being old fashioned in timeless truths and he's an individualist who doesn't rely on group think. He charts his own path.
And finally, Santa is independently wealthy! Imagine, a rich man doing so much good with his money, to the dismay of the "lefties." So yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause and he is a conservative!