Marion Man on a Mission to Turn ‘Swans’ Into ‘Dinosaur Ducks’
I can't tell if this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of or the most genius.
One Marion man by the name of George Jorjakis has started a petition to -- are you ready for this? -- change the name "swan" to "dinosaur duck."
You really can't make this stuff up.
Once Jorjakis had his thoughts organized, he took to Change.org and began making his case.
How did this all come about in the first place?
"To be honest, I've always thought swans were mean. When I was a kid they would chase us. But one day I was at my friend Jillian's house and all of sudden there were two families of swans fighting in the water. I read that male swans will try to drown other swans young, so I'm assuming that's what was happening and somehow they got chased up into the yard.
"They started hissing at us so I immediately grabbed a stick and a trash can lid and started chasing and moving the swans out of the area. I never realized how huge they actually are when you're face to face with them, so immediately I thought, why do we call these monsters 'swans?' Why not 'dinosaur ducks' because they truly are like massive mean ducks."
George, what’s your beef with the name “swan” to begin with?
"Hear me out. Something dangerous should have a dangerous name that warns people ahead of time. If you say, 'Hey kids, stay away from the swan,' kids won't care, but if you say, 'Hey, kids, stay away from the flying raptor,' now you have their attention and they're going to think twice about playing by the shoreline.
"I feel like not enough things in society are named properly to their dangerousness level. Take vehicle airbags for example and replace it with the name 'face bombs,' or pizza rolls should be called 'tiny lava-filled bread bites.'"
When all is said and done, what do you really hope to achieve from this?
"I really do hope they change the name to a more accurate description of this creature, and if not, I hope this brings awareness to the community that swans are evil."
What would make you satisfied realistically?
"Realistically? I'd like to see swan warning signs, or maybe anti-swan squirt guns where people swim, like the ones at the fair that fill up the balloons. Maybe instead of teaching or lying to kids in school about swans being majestic and beautiful, we start teaching them that swans are to be avoided at all costs."
I will admit that some of the strongest points in his effort to reclassify these mean hissing animals are pretty solid:
- Adam Sandler would have said, "Stop looking at me, dinosaur duck!" in Billy Madison.
- The movie "The Black Swan" would be "The Black Dinosaur Duck."
- Swan boats would be changed to dinosaur duck boats.
- The character in "Parks & Recreation," Ron Swanson, would instead be Ron "Dinosaurduckson."
- Swanson chicken broth? More like Dinosaurduckson Chicken Broth.
- Tchaikovsky's famous "Swan Lake" piece would be "Dinosaur Duck Lake."
If you agree with Jorjakis and want to help him with his mission to change the name "swan" to "dinosaur ducks," you can support his cause here.
After all, I've heard crazier ideas than this one.