COVID-19 Delays Testy Festy [PHIL-OSOPHY]
What do you say when you hear that the annual testicle festival has been postponed? "Balls."
That says it all, as the annual Rocky Mountain Oyster Festival has become the latest event to fall victim to COVID-19. You know what Rocky Mountain Oysters are, don't you? In my opinion, these jewels are the original sack lunch.
First a little history: an old cowboy in Arkansas once schooled me about male cows. He told me that in cattle, males are either bulls (intact males), steers (castrated bulls) and bullocks (young steer). For this article, I'm going to write about tasty bull testicles that are coated in seasoned flour and deep-fried until golden and tender. Sometimes they're pounded flat (ouch!). And you're not an outcast or oddball if you enjoy these morsels.
In fact, these tidbits are so popular that annual festivals have centered around them, like in Deerfield, Michigan, that attracts at least 2,000 locals and visitors. Attendees spend 12 hours eating plate after plate of deep-fried cattle testicles. This festival alone raises enough money to operate the town's American Legion for a full year. Organizers had to postpone the event from this Saturday because of the coronavirus, and hope to hold it on May 9, so the 300 pounds of testicles that were due to be devoured have been frozen until then.
I'm not sure what the record is for most testicles consumed at the Deerfield event, but remember Chevy Chase breaking the old record of eating gravy-covered sheep's testicles in the movie Funny Farm? Well, as that Arkansas cowboy told me when he was enlightening me about the bull's pom-poms, "Son, them's is real good eat'n."
Phil Paleologos is the host of The Phil Paleologos Show on 1420 WBSM New Bedford. He can be heard weekdays from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. Contact him at email@example.com and follow him on Twitter @PhilPaleologos. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author.