Hilarious Bad Reviews of Fairhaven’s Fort Phoenix

FAIRHAVEN — Well, you can't please everyone.

Never has that been more evident than when reading the one- and two-star reviews of one of the SouthCoast's most beautiful — and historically significant — sites: Fort Phoenix in Fairhaven.

The state reservation includes beaches, recreation and picnic areas, and visitors can climb or stroll up to the historic fort, located near the spot where the first naval battle of the American Revolution took place.

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With fantastic views of Buzzards Bay and the New Bedford/Fairhaven Harbor, the place really seems to have it all — and the vast majority of the nearly 1,400 Google reviewers agree.

Fort Phoenix has a Google review rating of 4.6 stars out of five, so it's clearly pretty popular.

But then, who's complaining about it, and why?

We delved into the handful of low-rated reviews to find out.

It seems most of the complaints cite too many rocks, or too much seaweed, or litter — two of which occur naturally, and one of which is an unfortunate reality on all Massachusetts beaches.

Some of them even reminded us of the famous "beach was too sandy" or "no-one told us there would be fish in the sea" vacation complaints that have been making internet rounds for years.

In fairness, no one really likes walking on rocks or swimming in seaweed, and a couple of people brought up some good points — perhaps the facilities could use an update.

But if you can't see the forest for the trees — or the beach for the rocks — then maybe you belong in a Caribbean resort.

Or, hear me out, you could also move to a less rocky spot (there are plenty of options at Fort Phoenix, some rockier than others.)

Maybe it's simply a matter of getting like-minded volunteers together to rake the beach occasionally, if that's what it takes.

Check out the reviews and decide for yourself!