And When I Retire… [OPINION]
I'm beginning to get a little long in the tooth and from time to time my thoughts wander to what it might be like to be retired. I'm not sure I will ever retire entirely since I am not the kind of guy who can just hang around construction sites or "putter." Never was one to "putter."
My idea of a perfect retirement would be to travel. I should have been a rock star because I enjoy hustling through airports and staying in hotels. I could really dig that kind of life. But I'm not rich. So since I don't have a lot of money, I guess I will have to continue to do something when I hang up the headphones.
I've decided that handing out stickers to people at Walmart isn't for me, nor is wiping down tables at McDonald's. Respectable enough jobs, but I don't do well with the interaction thing.
Many sleepless nights have come and gone with me wrestling with what I might do after I actually do retire, and it finally came to me: panhandling. I can panhandle. It's easy money and I don't have to break a sweat to do it. It's tax-free and I don't even have to talk to people. I get to swear at them, though, and stare at them menacingly through their car windows.
The nice part is that nobody bothers you. Panhandlers get to do pretty much what they want and nobody bothers you. Who is gonna screw with my First Amendment right to panhandle? N-O-B-O-D-Y! Who's gonna give me hell if I leave trash behind at the end of the day? NOOOOOO BODY! And you get to set your own hours.
Panhandling even makes me eligible for government assistance. Perhaps a check! There is medical, free food, shelter and maybe even a safe injection site down the road should my diabetes get to the point where I need to inject insulin.
So, if you don't hear me on the air one of these afternoons, look for me down at Market Basket, basking in the sunshine with my fellow panhandlers.
What a life. What a country!
Barry Richard is the host of The Barry Richard Show on 1420 WBSM New Bedford. He can be heard weekdays from noon to 3 p.m. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @BarryJRichard58. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the author.