Ivan Bliznetsov

Don't like Halloween.  Never did like Halloween. Never will like Halloween. Okay, that's out.  Anyone else with me on this?  Fess up, you can say it out loud.

Even as a kid I didn't like Halloween.  This isn't something that developed as I approach old curmudgeon status.  I never understood why my parents just didn't buy me candy rather than send me out with a freaking pillow case to beg for it.  I mean come on!  Dressed as a damn cowboy or gypsy no less.  The indignity of it all.  The whole idea of Halloween seems to be to teach kids how to beg and to seek revenge against those who refuse to be victimized.  I don't even like wearing a costume!

Of course, back in the day our parents didn't drive us around in minivans from one neighborhood to another so that we could beg for even more candy than we could possibly eat in a week.  Our parents didn't even go out trick or treating with us.  Older brothers and sisters took the little ones out, unless they were very little and needed extra supervision.  Kids came home from school, did their homework and waited at least for it to get dark...like after dinner...before the hit the streets.

Halloween back in the day was a little different.  When I was a kid neighbors would hand out fruit, (yuck), and homemade baked goods along with the candy.  Then came the pins and razor blazes in apples and LSD in brownies and stuff like that.  I swear the pre-packaged candy people were behind that!  The bigger kids in the neighborhood, too old to dress up, would always wait for us little ones to come along and steal our candy after dousing us with shaving cream.  I never found the fun in all of that.

Halloween just seems so dopey to me. If it were up to me I'd go straight from Labor Day to Memorial Day, stopping only briefly to enjoy Christmas season.


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